Sunday, December 03, 2006

Anyone considering cohabitating with Lil' Copenhagen should know that Bragg's Liquid Aminos must be on hand at all times, both in original undiluted strength and diluted 4:1 with water in a spray bottle. Failure to maintain adequate stocks of Bragg's - for example, should the fluid level in the dilution spray bottle fall below 75% - makes Lil' Copenhagen bummed, and when he's bummed, you're not going to get to see to him with his hood up & tucked behind his ears, pushing them forward at juussst the right angle for max elfinness. And let me tell you, when he does that shit . . . what happens is, it so upsets the Adorable Beauty balance in the natural world that sweetly babbling brooks cease to flow, spotted fawns vaporize in mid-nuzzle, songbirds' warbling turns to grit in their throats. Because he's draining the world's beauty reserves, see, taxing it unmanageably with his motherfucking dazzle. And once . . . I'm almost afraid to mention it, it so angered the gods - once he did it when his hair was in braids and the cosmos began to pull apart, the night sky tore apart like cheap pantyhose, and he knew never to do it again, or risk all the universe.


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