"So y'know the Sydney funnel-web spider, Australia's most venomous to humans?"

"No."

"It's a funny-looking little f*cker, kind of looks like what'd happen if a small tarantula mated with a chestnut. Here's its deal, though: its bite's only that super-venomous to its prey, to its insect prey, and to us. Your fluffy white kitten can bat it around the kitchen for 2 hours and get bitten again and again and be fine, but if it nips your toe, oh heavens, hello neurotoxin! Hello agony and potential death!"

"Uh-huh."

"Anyway, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. About that situation with its venom."

"Mmm-hmm. What about it."

"Well, I think you should get a tattoo of it. Of it in this characteristic attack pose it has, where it rears up on its back four legs and waves the front four around all homicidally. It's sort of gorgeous if - "

"Why would I do that?"

"I'm *getting* to that. Because you could get text underneath it saying like 'I never meant to hurt you like this', or 'I never meant for you to die for me', or even -"

"You have one beer and this happens? I really don't think you're a good candidate for drinking."